Needed for Service Project

I've been coordinating with the rangers at Hickory Run for the April 18th service project at Camp Shehaqua, and we have a list of tools and supplies that we need and we're hoping that folks are willing and able to donate most of them. Tools will be returned to you at the end of the day, but the supplies obviously will be consumed during the project. James has authorized quadruple SP for these donations because we're trying very hard to impress the park staff and get into their good graces.

Tools needed:

Shovels - as many as you can bring
Rakes - these should be the heavy, soil-tilling variety, not leaf rakes, also as many as you can bring
Garden hose - 800 ft.
Beaver traps - 3

Supplies needed:

Top soil - 400 lbs.
Crushed stone - 600 lbs.
Asphalt - preferably the InstaInterstate brand that you can get at Home Depot, 2400 lbs.
Marbles - 1000

Also, we need someone with a commercial heavy machinery license, rated for operating medium-torque pavers and up to a 30' scoop-bucket crane; membership in the asphalt pavers union is preferred to avoid any potential disputes.

Thanks!

I know some people in "construction". I'll see what I can "dig up".

Marbles - 1000

Are you planning to sabotage the Homecoming parade in downtown Faber?

No, Matt has lost his and wants to use someone else's.  I will bring a heavy duty rake and some shovels.  A local garden center sells crushed stone by the bag.  I will get a price and bring at least 300#, and will let you know tomorrow if I can manage the entire load.

Matt,
I only have one ton of asphalt in the back yard.  Will that help?

Norm B.

I have a sneaky suspicion you're not going to need any of this stuff come tomorrow...

That being said, you should look into picking up one of these: cgi.ebay.com/Old-Beaver-Muskrat-Fox-Wolf...7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50 .  I mean, after you're done using it to trap beavers, you can apparently use it to trap werewolves as well.

--Skimmel

If you need stones/rocks ect, go to a quarry - buy by the ton

This was indeed an April Fool's joke.  ;D

Chris wins the thread for correctly identifying the Animal House reference!

Crap... I all ready made a reservation and put down a deposit on that back-hoe you wanted form the local Home Depot near the campsite...  I gotta make a few phone calls...

Don't know if this is actually true or not, but when I read you were going to trap beavers in PA I was glad I had actually saved this in the bowels of my hard drive...enjoy! 

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the  Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of  Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.


SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:  Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.  Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that  a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.  Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.


Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. 
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.  I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears!  Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!  The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.


THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

Oh my god that is hilarious.  I am laughing so hard I have fallen out of my dam chair.  LOL