A Bard's Request

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in front of a door?" "Matt"
"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a lake?" "Bob"
"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a hole?" "Phil"

"Mommy, why are we pushing the carriage off the cliff?"
"Be quiet, you'll wake your father.”

A man is careening through the winding streets of Bordertown in his carriage when an officer of the law slows him and pulls him to the side. He asks the man if he’s aware of how fast he’d been urging his horse when the man professes to be blind drunk. “Well sir that’s just untenable,” says the officer, “I’ll have to put you in a cell for the night.” “Certainly,” says the man, “so long as you don’t tell any one about all the drugs I’ve smuggled in my carriage.” “Sir!” the officer exclaims, “I can’t believe you’d admit to such a crime!” “Well to be honest officer, I’m more concered about the man I have inside, bound by the hands and feet.” “That’s it,” says the officer, “I’ll have to summon my superior to sort you out.”

Half an hour later, as the superior officer is inspecting the carriage he says to the culprit, “My subordinate officer reported a number of offences, but I’ve found no drugs, no bound man, and by all accounts you appear to be perfectly sober.”

And the arrested man smiles and says, “I bet he told you I had been driving my carriage too fast, too.”

"Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?"
"Because they have big fingers."

"What do you throw to a drowning Khitanese lord?"
"His wife and children!"
(On second thought, this really goes over better with Coast Haveners.
I once saw a duke from Faust nearly choke on a chicken bone over this one.
Pity that he managed to spit it back up.)