To My Nameless Aguaran Neighbor

To he who hides behind unsigned paper,

You scum. You bastard. Your father’s line wants for manhood. Your mother mourns the day you spilled from her womb. Dogs flee at your approach. Your horse prays for death with every sunrise.

You raven starver. You orc scut. Hunchbacks pity you. Lepers wish luck to you. Goat sphincters pucker at your passing. Crows find your flesh unpalatable. Your courage has the firmness of fresh butter. Boiled prunes are more stalwart than you. A rock holds more wit.

Shame follows you as might a cloud of flies. A weasel is not blessed with your perfidity. Rats envy your scuttling nature. Snakes aspire to one day speak with your forked tongue.

You soft headed lout. You smooth palmed boy. My wife’s tits are more intimidating than you. Her stays lend more support to a cause than your petulant whining. A slow witted sheep could be your master within a five minute conversation. A dead fish has more character. My morning toast has more backbone.

You coward. You fool. Your existence offends me. Lift my kilt and kiss my ass.

YH&OS,
Cyric McKraegar

(Should you find any of these words difficult to pronounce, I will happily conduct a public recital at first opportunity. Please introduce yourself to me, though I request you bring your own copy)

With insults like that, I sure hope you plan on killing whoever is behind the unsigned paper.
Otherwise this will all be a little anti-climatic.

-Ava

Whether or not you agree with the sentiment, you must admire the presentation. Rarely have I seen an insult with such complete construction, such parallel structure, and such biting vitriol.

Cyric, should you ever wish to learn the ways of the bard, please seek me out.

Hjolda! It was worthy of a skald, I must agree with Tobar.

To my loving admirer,

Sweet Agaura, I have never been more flattered in my life. To think such a small oversight could cause such hatred and angst. This town truly is a welcoming place. I welcome to you to dine on my tab, drinks on me, and perhaps you can teach me how to properly Insult my opponents. I will pay any price for your lessons. I want to know you. We should drink heartily into the night then partake of the finest fisticuffs this side of the rift.

The not so Nameless Agauran Neighbor,

Razael Seiryn

*NOT ROWAN*

Razael,

You sweet, kind friend. I think it is lovely that you would pay for someone's food and provide some entertainment for Mister McKraegar. It is rare that such hospitality and strong friendship is shown in these times of trouble. Yes, this town is truly a welcoming place, but only as long as gregarious and light-hearted folk like yourself offer to treat their friends to dinner, drinks, and merry company. Here, I was beginning to worry that a gentleman like yourself would never enjoy the fine acquaintance of fellow towns-members with the comments said about you and your counterparts. I wish you an absolutely lovely day. Also, your penmanship is absolutely beautiful.

F. Sinclair