March 2014 Rulebook Update - Need your help to proofread!

Pg. 23 "You can download a History Worksheet for your convenience. Your character's history must be submitted to
the Director no more than two months after you begin playing it, and must be approved before you
may act upon anything contained in it."
-Is any of this still relevant with all of the submitting changes for character history? also with the new annual updates idea? i haven't read much up on it, but none of it seems to be present here.
-even in the past, weren't they submitted to the Atmosphere officer?

Pg. 23
"John is going to take a human for his character’s race – no makeup, no prosthetics, easy to role-play.
He could go with a human sub-class such as a Gypsy, Celt, or Barbarian, but he just wants a plain
vanilla human for now. John has played some tabletop role-playing games before, but he doesn’t feel
very comfortable with acting in a live situation. From what his friends tell him the combat is fun, so
he chooses a Warrior – not too heavy on the role-playing, and lots of combat."

- The vanilla human race should probably specify Kormerian? (p.s. i can't spell) "Human" isn't really an option, is it?

Pg 23

"Looking at the Warrior and the Common skill lists, he chooses 10 Build worth of skills for his character"
- no where in the previous descriptions of this section does it specify that anyone can choose skills off of Commoner. it feels disjointed, like a sentence is missing.

pg 24


"He writes this all up and sends it in to the Chief Character Offcer for approval,
making sure he meets the deadline of having it in before his PC's third event. He also takes note that
he can't act on any of this until the background is approved, but that is fne as he still has plenty of
room to Role-Play and explore the character without drawing on details from his background.

- we don't have a chief character officer
- the third event is when you need to have your character formed, AND when you need to have your history in??? aaaand all of this is changed anyway, isn't it?



Tori, yes, the copy pasta is being weird for me too.

pg 24

"He then flls out the History Worksheet, and sends it to the
Atmosphere Offcer () for approval before bringing the PC into the
game."

-history worksheets are outdated yis?yis.
-also, we've had it say that you send it to the Director, the Chief Character officer, and now the Atmosphere officer. Over all, that needs to be specified, because now it's all inputted on the players impetus.

pg 25

"He looks at the deities, and deciding that Valos is a little too combat-oriented for him, settles on Gaia."

- pretty sure the comma should be moved to "He looks at the deities and, deciding that Valos is a little too combat-oriented for him, settles on Gaia."

-or possibly "He looks at the deities (deciding that Valos is a little too combat-oriented) and settles on Gaia." or something akin to that.

-Grammarians, speak up, i might be in the wrong.

"All Clergy start with the Sacrament Domain and looking up Gaia, Bob sees he can choose from Life, Light, and Purifcation."

- comma to " and, looking up Gaia, Bob". You can actually probably get rid of the "and" and make it "All Clergy start with the Sacrament Domain. Looking up Gaia, Bob sees he can choose from Life, Light, and Purifcation."

Pg 26

"It may seem intimidating for frst time players, but when you see everyone else role-playing well as their character you realize not only is it not diffcult to do, its fun!!"

- needs an apostrophe

Pg 27

"In the beginning of the game your character starts off with his primary Profession (sometimes
referred to as a "list") for free."

- if im not mistaken, the majority of the book is referred to as "her"?

"Disarm costs four build on warriors list and three build on the swashbucklers list."

-All lists and skills previous to this have been capitalized, such as Warrior and Swashbuckler. The capitalization gets a little back and forth in this upcoming paragraph, where some skills are capitalized while others aren't.